The Scourge of Internet-Induced Loneliness

I've been working on editing my pile of 28 years worth of journals for the past few months. This is a long-term project, but I realized the time had come in my life to tackle the beast. Still, I only work on it for about an hour a week because it is not a good idea to spend too much time in the past. So, I started in 1989 and currently am in 1994.

As I worked on it today, I came across this entry I wrote on January 13, 1994 when I was 19 years old:

"Yesterday I got an idea for a story that would show people the error of their ways in advocating for the information superhighway. It's going to be the breakdown of society but no one sees it. People are going to stop needing people."

Reading these words stopped me in my tracks. I certainly didn't remember writing them and I never did write that story. Back in 1994, the internet was barely a thing. I remember sending my first emails in 1995. At that point, we couldn't even imagine the ways the internet would change our lives. Yet, this quote seems oddly prophetic.

The internet has brought much good to the world. On a personal level, I'm thankful for the opportunities it has given me to work and the ease with which we can communicate with other people all around the world. But, there is no denying there have been downsides; one of those is the increase in loneliness.

People haven't stopped needing people. In fact, we probably communicate with more people on a daily basis than we ever did. But, is it meaningful communication? Instead of calling or writing to a particular person with our news, we put a post on social media and wait to see if anyone responds. We communicate in general instead of one-on-one, and while some real communication can take place via these conversations and prayers can be offered for those who ask for them, that personal touch is generally missing. There is no one to sit and truly listen. Even in our families, everyone is involved with their devices and not paying attention to the person sitting in front of them.

While loneliness has always existed, it has now become an epidemic. We are all alone in the crowded world. Everyone is so busy, and often that busyness involves the internet. It has made it so that we can work all the time and connect with people all the time and yet has led to the breakdown of many of our social groups and outings. Why do we need to meet with people in person when it is easier to post online? But the internet can't look into your eyes, give you flowers, or wrap its arms around you in a hug.

I have no answer to this problem other than to encourage people to put the smartphones down and actually interact with the people in their lives. My protests usually fall on deaf ears. But my 19 year old self was on to something. I wish I had been wrong.

P.S. I know I have terrible handwriting, but I saw a meme recently that made me feel better about that: "I don't have bad handwriting; I have my own font!"

Are You or Your Children Addicted to the Net?

Newsweek ran a very interesting article recently: Is the Onslaught Making Us Crazy? Tony Dokoupil examines the growing body of evidence that the internet is changing the way we think and feel. He writes,

The current incarnation of the Internet – portable, social, accelerated, and all-pervasive – may be making us not just dumber or lonelier but more depressed and anxious, prone to obsessive-compulsive and attention-deficit disorders, even outright psychotic. Our digitized minds can scan like those of drug addicts, and normal people are breaking down in sad and seemingly new ways. . . . In less than the span of a single childhood, Americans have merged with their machines, staring at a screen for at least eight hours a day, more time than we spend on any other activity including sleeping. Teens fit some seven hours of screen time into the average school day; 11, if you count time spent multitasking on several devices. . . .More than a third of users get online before getting out of bed. 

Dokoupil goes on to describe the way heavy internet users’ brains begin to resemble those of drug addicts, and that even when people state that they want to withdraw from such constant use of the internet, they find it almost impossible to do so. Part of the issue is that a great number of us are connected to the internet for work reasons. One spends all day online for work, and then goes home and spends time online for pleasure. 

Smartphones contribute to the problem as well. It used to be that you actually needed to be near a computer to connect to the internet. Today, the internet travels with us. People text and surf and post photos while pushing children on swings, or while watching a soccer game, or while out to dinner with friends. It is never-ending. 

Among teens, there used to be a break between the world of school and the world of home. Now, whatever social problems a teen may be having at school follow them wherever they go. There is no escape. Everything is about the social image one projects. One teen quoted for the Newsweek article states: “It’s a nervewracking learning curve, a life lived entirely in public with the webcam on, every mistake recorded and shared, mocked until something more mockable comes along.” At the same time, these teens live in fear of missing out on something should they disconnect for a while. 

The internet has brought much good into the world and I wouldn’t want to return to the pre-internet era, but as with any good thing, it has the potential for abuse and overuse. I don’t have a smartphone and I only go online for a few hours a day while I am working, but I’ve noticed that even given my limited exposure, my focus isn’t what it used to be. 

Even while I was working on this article, the internet was calling to me. I feel like while the internet is up, I need to be checking my email, Facebook, and Twitter every few minutes to see what is going on in the world. Like the teens interviewed, I fear missing out on something. There definitely is an addictive quality about it. 

As parents, we need to be proactive about limiting our children’s screen time. For better or worse, they are growing up in a world dominated by interacting with computers. They need to learn how to make responsible use of the technology. But at the same time, they need to learn how to disconnect as well. In-person relationships need to be cultivated. Books need to be read. Skills need to be learned. There is a whole lot of life to be lived away from a screen. Perhaps we parents can set an example by limiting our own screen time as well.