The Hidden Life of Stay-at-Home Moms

I was watching my local diocesan news program, "Real to Reel" last night. They were interviewing new teachers and principals as they were beginning the new school year. There was also a piece on Elms College, my alma mater and former place of employment, as they were forging new collaborations with the diocese and the lay ministry program. As I watched, I couldn't help but want to be involved in some way. Sometimes it is hard as a stay-at-home mom to watch the world go by and feel like you can't really be a part of it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not lacking in things to do. The thought "I'm bored" hasn't crossed my mind in years. I have my two boys who keep me busy every hour they are awake (and sometimes in the middle of the night!) I have my writing and my website (http://www.spiritualwoman.net). I do some freelance web design when it comes my way. I am also involved in my parish. Religious Education is starting up next week which will once again find me helping out in fourth grade. I am on Parish Council this year, and on the Technology Committee for my son's school. My "To-Do" list is overflowing.

Still, being a mom is not a much-appreciated profession. The question "What do you do?" or "Do you work?" can make me cringe, especially when asked by former classmates or former work colleagues. It is as if I feel the need to justify my life, because of the sense that someone with a Master's Degree shouldn't be spending their life at home. Over the past five years, however, I have become more comfortable with my stay-at-home mom status; more convinced that what I do does matter. My children need me and love me. They know I am always there for them. I have seen how quickly being a baby turns into going to Kindergarten, and I am glad that I got to be there for the whole process.

I read somewhere recently how Jesus stayed at home for 30 years before transforming the world with his three years of ministry. He knew he had this tremendous job to do, yet he was content to work quietly in Nazareth supporting his mother until the time was right for him to step into the limelight. Mothers are like that. We willingly stay out of the limelight for a while. Yes, the world does continue to go on without us and sometimes we may wish we could play a more prominent role, but God has a plan for each of us. It may be that I will spend many years in relative anonymity - just another mom at the park or the pick-up line in school. I will no doubt continue to cringe as people ask what it is that I do. Yet, I know what I do is important. I am helping in some small way through my children to shape the future. My life may be hidden, but I am where I belong. God knows that and in the end, His is the only opinion that matters.

Mary's Birthday

Today we commemorate Mary's Birthday, a reminder that, like all of us, Mary started out as a baby. Up to the time she was 12 or 13, she probably lived a very ordinary life. And then, Boom, an angel showed up, Mary said "yes" and everything changed forever.

God is like that. You can be going along enjoying your rather ordinary life and all of a sudden, God throws a wrench in the plans. God sends us on a mission or sends us a new set of challenging circumstances that will in some way help make us a better person. We have to believe that we too are called to say "yes" to whatever it is God is asking from us today. God knows what is best for us. We need to let go and trust.

Words on Peace from Mother Teresa

I'm reading "No Greater Love" by Mother Teresa for a writing project I'm working on. I came across this passage today which seems especially relevant:

"Peace and war start within one's own home. If we really want peace for the world, let us start by loving one another within our families. Sometimes it is hard for us to smile at one another. . .

In order for love to be genuine, it has to be above all a love for our neighbor. We must love those who are nearest to us, in our own family. From there, love spreads toward whoever may need us."

One down, 179 to go

David had his first day of school today. Amazingly, he left happy and came home happy. He said he made two new friends - one boy and one girl, although he did not know what their names were! He was all excited that they consider him a "OC" - meaning "Oldest Child" so he gets all important papers that need to come home to our family. So, all went well for him at school and for Isaac and I at home. Hopefully day #2 will go as well.

Article on Domestic Abuse

Many thanks to Heidi Hess Saxton, editor of Canticle Magazine for allowing me to share this article on When Abuse Hits Home: How to Help a Victim of Domestic Violence. It is such an important issue that touches so many families.

The challenge of raising "Good Catholic Boys"

I am very thankful for my boys. As much as I wanted to have daughters when I was younger, I truly believe God knew what he was doing when he sent me David and Isaac and now I can't honestly imagine bringing up a little girl (although if that bridge comes someday, I'm sure God will give me the grace to cross it!).

Still, boys have their own challenges, not the least of which is to raise them with their faith intact. Somehow it is more acceptable for girls and women to pray and be involved in church activities. Being a "Good Catholic Boy" is in no way considered cool. I am always impressed when I see teenage and young adult men in Church. They are few and far between but it gives me hope for my own two children that maybe, just maybe, they won't succomb to the societal pressure to toss their faith by the wayside as they get older. Even though I am sending them to Catholic school, I know that pressure will still be there. I went to Catholic school for all of my education and in the process met very few boys involved with their faith. While hopefully they believed in God, most weren't involved with Church at all. I never dated a young man who went to Church of his own accord, although they were willing to go to date me (one of my parents' rules). While I firmly believe I was meant to marry Bernie (I certainly prayed hard enough to make the right decision) and he faithfully if somewhat unenthusiastically comes to Church with us every week, I sometimes think it would have been nice to marry someone who shared my commitment to having a deep relationship with God. Some of my friends at Church have husbands who do have that commitment and I think it is such a wonderful blessing.

That is what I want for my sons. I want them to have an active faith life. I want them to go to Church on Sundays because they want to be there. I want them to give to the poor and do community service because it is the right thing to do. I want them to be proud of their faith and have it be an integral part of who they are. I know I have my work cut out for me, and I know I can't do it alone. I need God's help bigtime, and even with that help, I know that David and Isaac still have free will and may choose a different path. All I can do is pray, provide a good example, and hope for the best.

The Power of Our Words

Yesterday I lectored for the last time at my parish. I have been a lector for just about as long as I have been able to read, beginning with school masses at my Catholic grammar school and then at age 16 as an "official" lector at Sunday masses. When I joined my current parish after I got married, I was eager to continue this ministry. However, God has now called me to new roles in my parish community and I don't want to take more time than I have to away from my family; something had to go.

Still, it was with a heavy heart that I went to Church last night. I have always enjoyed lectoring. 99% of the time, my lectoring goes unnoticed which is how it should be. The focus should be on the Word of the Lord, not on who is proclaiming it. Yet, last night, God spoke through some of my fellow parishioners in my hour of need. Three different people commented on how well I lector - one before mass, one during mass, and one after. None of the three knew this was my last day, and yet their words meant so much to me. It was if God was saying, "You have done a good job. Go in peace."

Our words can often have an effect far beyond that which we may intend. God can speak through our words to share love and consolation with other people. It is so easy to offer a kind word to someone and brighten their day in the process. With our families, we can use our words to build up, rather than tear down. If a criticism must be offered, it can be done with kindness rather than anger. We can offer praise and encouragement whenever possible. We can say "I love you," "I appreciate you," and "I'm glad that you are here." We can say "Thank you," and when needed, "I'm sorry." A harsh word, once spoken, can never be taken back, but by the same token, a kind word can live forever. Our words have power. Use them wisely.