Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Life after Miscarriage

Heidi Hess Saxton posted an article on her blog today on Life after Miscarriage. It is a strong article, full of pain and raw emotion. I think most of us can probably relate to both sides of the story - the painful grief of the mother who has lost her child who views every word and action as thoughtless, and the challenge of those around her to try to say and do the right thing and come up short.

I know I'm one person who does struggle to say and do the "right thing" when someone is hurting. I'm often at a loss for words when life is good, much more so when the situation involves grief and deep pain. I say "I'm sorry" and "I'm here for you" and I mean it, but after that, I'm not sure what to do. I'm always ready to listen, but I'm sure I've stuck my foot in my mouth more than once trying to be helpful and failing miserably. In this article, it had been two months since the woman had miscarried. At what point is it OK to have a "normal" conversation, and not focus on the grief? I don't know the answer to that.

I know everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time and that true grief, while the pain lessons, never truly goes away. It has been 40 years since my mother miscarried two children. She hasn't forgotten and looks forward to meeting them in heaven.

1 comment:

Heidi Hess Saxton said...

Having received my kids through adoption, I don't have firsthand knowledge of the hormone issues surrounding pregnancy ... However, there does seem to be some middle ground between avoiding talking about the grief and inflicting it afresh. For example, I can't imagine printing out my baby report at the house of a sister who JUST lost her baby.

When I've had friends lose a baby through miscarriage, I try to take my cue from them -- treating it like any other loss, I guess.

Thanks for the link, Patrice!