Do you Struggle with Perfectionism?

Do you struggle with perfectionism? What about spiritual perfectionism? Do you believe that if you don’t do all your spiritual works, God will love you less? Do you believe you can earn heaven? In her own words, Colleen Carroll Campbell has always been a bit of an over-achiever. Indeed, simply reading her author bio is exhausting. She’s an award-winning author, print and broadcast journalist, and a former presidential speechwriter. She even hosted her own television and radio shows on EWTN for eight years. She now balances working with homeschooling four children.

In The Heart of Perfection: How the Saints Taught Me to Trade my Dream of Perfect for God’s, she defines perfectionism as “an addiction to control and a refusal to accept imperfection in some human endeavor.” Early in Carroll Campbell’s mothering career, as she was trying to adjust to life with twins, an older mother gave her some wise advice. She told her that there was no room for perfection in motherhood. Carroll Campbell took those words to heart.

As Carroll Campbell began to study the lives of the saints, she noticed that many of them struggled with perfectionism even though they may not have used that term. Instead they “complain of scruples and pride, plead for trust and humility, and speak of their need to surrender to God’s plans and stop trying to make their own.”

Carroll Campbell intersperses this spiritual memoir with short biographies of St. Jane de Chantal, St. Alphonsus Liguori, St. Benedict, St. Francis, and St. Therese, all of whom could be patron saints of those who struggle with perfectionism. She explains how, with God’s help, they worked to overcome those tendencies while still getting closer to God. In following their example we can face the challenge of rejecting “spiritual perfectionism without lapsing into spiritual laziness.” 

In The Heart of Perfection, Carroll Campbell speaks with refreshing honesty about her own struggles. Many mothers will relate to the challenge of balancing work and motherhood. She wonders “why God gave me these dual passions for work and motherhood that sometimes felt so infuriatingly incompatible.” Like all mothers, she is figuring it out as she goes. 

There are no easy fixes for dealing with perfectionism, but Carroll Campbell and the saints she profiles offer much food for reflection. She encourages us to keep growing in holiness. In the end, what this world thinks of us and our achievements doesn’t matter. It is when we surrender to God’s love and God’s will that we are truly successful.

Tortured Soul - New Catholic Fiction by Theresa Linden

Today I'm pleased to be the stop on the blog tour for fellow Catholic Writer's Guild member Theresa Linden and her great new book Tortured Soul.

What happens to us after we die? Is there a connection between those in this world and the next? Can we help the souls in purgatory? Those are the questions at the heart of Theresa Linden’s suspense-filled new novel Tortured Soul.

Fred Rake was a 45 year-old mechanic when he was murdered by his 17 year-old son. Jeannie Lyons lives in the home she grew up in with her brother Edwin and his family. Both of Jeannie’s parents are deceased but she still feels deeply connected to them and the home where they all lived. But Erwin’s family is growing and he and his wife want Jeannie to move out.

Erwin picks out a house for Jeannie and he and his friend Oliver, a photographer, help her move. Unexplained noises and occurrences in the house soon make Jeannie live in fear, but Oliver is the only one who believes her and makes an effort to help her. It turns out the house Jeannie now lives in belonged to the murdered Fred Rake; God has allowed his tortured soul to visit her in an effort to help both of them.

This thought-provoking and spine-tingling novel is loosely based on the experiences of German mystic Eugenie von der Leyen (1867-01929). While Tortured Soul is entertaining and powerful in its own right, its message of the need of prayer and sacrifice for the souls in purgatory is even more important. This aspect of our Catholic faith is often neglected in our modern world. As part of the Communion of Saints, we are called to help our brothers and sisters who have gone before us and are suffering in purgatory.

Discover Marian Shrines in the United States

May is a month in which we pay special honor to Mary. That makes it a perfect time to learn more about some of the Marian shrines in the United States. In My Queen, My Mother: A Living Novena, Marge Steinhage Fenelon shares her pilgrimage to nine Marian shrines, inviting readers to join her in praying a special novena to consecrate both ourselves and our country to Mary. Fenelon wants us to “uncover the spiritual treasures of our United States” and to “reconquer [our country] for our Lord and his Mother and help others to set out to reconquer it too.”

When we consecrate ourselves or someone else to Mary, we are “asking Mary to claim that person for herself now and for always. Of course, when Mary “claims” someone for herself, she also claims that person for her Son because the two are inseparable. The only reason for Mary’s existence is to lead us to Jesus.”

Fenelon offers a history of each shrine and recalls some of the spiritual blessings that have been given there. One of the shrines that I found most interesting to learn about was the National Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help in Champion, Wisconsin. This is the only Church-approved Marian apparition site in the United States. Mary appeared to 24-year-old Adele Brice in 1859. Mary told Adele to pray for the conversion of sinners and to teach the catechism. Adele ultimately began the Sisters of Good Health and several miracles were recorded as a result of her prayers. As Fenelon points out, the overriding message of this shrine is that “if it is indeed God’s will, then you’ll be given the grace, courage, and know-how to carry out your mission. What’s more, if you invoke Our Lady of Good Help, she’ll see you through it. 

I found the stories of these shrines fascinating. The only thing that I wished the book contained were images of the shrines. To help remedy that, I’m including links to the websites for the featured shrines so that you can take a virtual pilgrimage. By no means is this exhaustive list of Marian shrines in the United States. As Fenelon points out, there are many waiting for us to visit, learn about, and pray at.

• Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche, St. Augustine, Florida;
• National Shrine of Our Lady of Prompt Succor, New Orleans, Louisiana;
• St. Mary’s Mission and Museum, Stevensville, Montana;
• Shrine of Our Lady of Sorrows, Starkenburg, Missouri;
• Basilica and National Shrine of Our Lady of Consolation, Carey, Ohio;
• The National Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help, Champion, Wisconsin;
• Shrine of Our Lady of Martyrs, Auriesville, New York;
• House of Mary Shrine, Yankton, South Dakota; and
• Our Lady of Peace Shrine, Santa Clara, California.

Ways to Practice Humility

Clearly, the message of the week is humility. I recently blogged about Chasing Humility and then I was reading my diocesan magazine, The Catholic Mirror, and came across an article by Sheri Wohlfert on practicing the virtue of humility.

She offered the following suggestions for growing in humility:

1) Talk about yourself as little as possible. If we believe God truly knows us and the desires of our heart and our focus is to please him, rather than those here on earth, this makes perfect sense.

2) Choose the most difficult or less appealing jobs. There is great humility in doing the task nobody else wants to do.

3) Don't worry about other people's business and don't even be curious about things that don't concern you. 

4) Recognize your talents, gifts and graces, then promptly thank God for them and move along. We should use them well, but the ambition to be the best or to be recognized is not going to build our humility.

How to be Humble

Do you want to be humble? If we’re being honest, many of us would say “No” to that question. Others of us might pay it lip service, but deep down feel uncomfortable with the idea. Humility seems to be so in conflict with all the things that our modern society holds dear. How could anyone living in our modern world actually strive for humility? The answer is that if we are seeking holiness, humility is a big part of that equation. 

As someone who confesses to pride every single time I go to confession, humility is something I clearly need. This is why I eagerly starting reading Chasing Humility: 8 Ways to Shape a Christian Heart by Joel Stepanek as soon as it arrived in my mailbox. 

Stepanek uses the Litany of Humility as the basis of the book:

Lord Jesus. Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Simply reading through, one realizes just how difficult it is to pray this prayer and mean it. Stepanek acknowledges that it took him quite a while to come to terms with understanding and desiring humility. He had a false view of humility, thinking that “you were either successful in the eyes of the world or you were humble and destitute but you got to be a disciple of Jesus.” In time, he came to realize that G.K. Chesterton’s definition is much more accurate: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” In fact, the only way to be truly successful is to embrace humility.

Stepanek divides the petitions in the Litany of Humility into eight main themes: being authentic, growing confidence, being grateful for today, loving others, giving praise, empowering those around me, becoming the mentor, and breaking boundaries. He explores each of these themes, offering concrete ways to work on each area. He also shares anecdotes from his own life to illustrate that he is right there with us, struggling to develop humility. Like most things on our spiritual journey, cultivating humility is a life-long process. 

As an interesting side note, the author of the Litany of Humility is unknown. His prayer for humility was answered. God will answer our prayers for humility as well, if only we are brave enough to trust in God and pray for it. 

Chasing Humility offers so much food for thought. This is a hard topic and one many will reject without a passing glance, but if you are serious about becoming closer to God, this is one book you will want to pick up.