Finding Hope in a Surprise Pregnancy

Leslie Leyland Fields has written a book for every woman who has found out she is pregnant with a child she wasn't looking to have. "Surprise Child: Finding Hope in Unexpected Pregnancy" is for all those women who face that life-changing moment and wonder "What am I going to do now?" Fields knows of what she speaks. She herself experienced two surprise pregnancies in her forties. She had already given birth to four children and had finally returned to work doing what she loved. Starting the process over again was not what she had in mind.

Fields chronicles the stories of twenty-five women who faced these surprise pregnancies with the full range of emotions. "Each one here had her life interrupted, each one here has a child who came to her unbidden, and each one now cannot imagine her life without the child." Yet, at that moment when the pregnancy test comes back positive, such perspective is not so easy to find. Fields writes, "You are trying to live out the next two or three years of your life in these thirty minutes, in one day . . Everything you fear visits you in one chushing blow. You feel weak, vulnerable. You think you cannot do it. You are right -- it is impossible to live it all, to answer all these deep needs and fears in a single day or week. . . in this moment, you do not need to answer all the questions. There will be time in each day to find answers, to find reasons to hope."

I wish that I had access to this book as I faced my own unplanned pregnancy a few years back. Our first child was longed for and planned for. We tried for many months before the good Lord blessed us with our David. And yet, even with all that planning, motherhood did not come easy to me. As much as I loved my little boy, I felt shell-shocked and barely able to cope. When David was nine months old, my period was late. It will come, I told myself. It has to come. When I was five days late, I took a pregnancy test alone while David took his nap. I cried a river of tears when I saw the tell-tale line. How could this be happening? I could barely cope with one child. Why was God doing this to me? I told my husband but no one else. The following day I walked to Church with David in the stroller. Unfortunately, in my frazzled state of mind, I locked us out of the house. I had no keys and no wallet. I was not in a good place. I wanted to hide.

I give talks on Natural Family Planning to our annual pre-cana day at my parish. The next talk was scheduled just a couple weeks from that time. How could I go give this talk when NFP had just "failed" me? I was embarrassed and angry. In time, I came to terms with the pregnancy. When I found out I was having a boy, I was happy that David would have a playmate. We named him "Isaac" - "one who laughs." I knew what it was to love a child and I could and did love this unborn child within me.

The first few months after I had Isaac are a blur of sleepless nights. It was tough having two children under two. And yet, now I wouldn't have had it any other way. Isaac has brought so much joy to our family. With the hard time that I had after having David, I would have found it very difficult to make the decision to try for another child. God made that decision for me. David and Isaac are the best of friends. They are complete opposites and balance each other out perfectly.

Now, when I give my NFP talk, I tell engaged couples to plan their families but be ready for God to intervene. He knows when we need a child better than we do. In God, there are no "unplanned" pregnancies. He has planned each and every one of us since before time began. Both of my children are gifts from God, and I wouldn't have it any other way.