Trying to determine "needs" vs. "wants"

Five-year-old David is in such a consumer stage. Almost everything he sees, he wants. Most of the time, I can distract him with something else, remind him of our purpose in being at the store (which often is to buy something for him), or make a cohesive argument why he actually does not need something. My children have often heard me tell them, "You may want that, but you do not need it," which works most of the time. They have heard this so often that my younger son Isaac felt compelled to tell his grandmother that she didn't actually "need" something that she was picking out at the store!

But sometimes, the line between "wants" and "needs" is not so clear cut. I can recall being a child and desperately wanting things. Like my children, I heard "No" alot as well. I don't remember most of the things I wanted, although I still wish that I had been able to take music lessons. I do remember, however, the few times my parents went out of their way to fulfill some request of mine. For example, my mom once drove to a number of stores to find one that was selling the previous week's "TV Guide" because in it was an offer for 72 free animal cards. How I wanted those cards, and I was so happy when the mail carrier delivered them.

Today I took the boys to the mall to buy some new underwear for them (an exciting trip to be sure). We also stopped at the art supply store to get a new scrapbook for David and a couple other small supplies. David fell in love with these little kits to build a "pot person." At first, I did say "No," telling David that the package said it was for ages 8 and up (which it did) but as we made our way through the store and David presented his argument as to why he should be able to get the kit, I eventually relented. After all, it was only $1, and it did have some redeeming educational and artistic value. Strictly speaking, of course, David did not actually need this item, and I no doubt violated the great consistency rule of parenting, but I think that on occasion flexibility can be a good thing.

This little kit did provide David some momentary happiness. The boys and I came home and put them together (obviously, I needed to get one for Isaac as well). While they will no doubt be broken by this time tomorrow, we did get our dollar's worth out of them. I have no idea if this was one of those items David would have remembered at age 20. I can hear him telling his therapist now, "My mom would not get me a 'pot person'!" It's hard to know what items in my children's lives cross that line from being wants to actually being needs to help their happiness and development. It is always a judgment call, and day by day, I try to make the right ones.