Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Bible Study Blues

I just got my latest Bible study book (a friend of mine was kind enough to order and pick them up for all of us at a local Catholic store). Just flipping through it, I can tell it's another book that is going to cause me pain. I go to my weekly Bible Study because I like the women there and because it gives my children an opportunity to play with their friends. When I started homeschooling, I knew I didn't want to homeschool alone. I wanted to have a community to do it with, and I am so very thankful to have these women in my life. They are all great people.

That being said, these Bible Study books and the conversations that surround them seem set up to make me feel inadequate. I consider my two hours at Bible Study to be my exercise in humility for the week. I'm a quiet person by nature, so mostly I just sit and listen. A lot of times, I just want to go home and cry. I guess it is just me, because the other women all love these books. My life certainly doesn't measure up to the standard extolled in these books, nor will it ever. I've come to accept the imperfect version of myself, that I am a work in progress that will never be complete. It's taken me a long time to come to that acceptance, to let go of the need to be perfect in every way. I'm sure I will pick up a tidbit or two out of this book. There will probably be a couple blog posts that will come out of it. Mostly, though, I am just trying to prepare myself for all the negative feelings that will come my way from reading it.

Does anyone else out there feel like they are being held to a standard they can't possibly meet? How do you deal with it?


Cheryl said...

Oh bummer. I wonder what this book is about. I wouldn't say that I loved all of the books. I always get excited about new ones, then it tapers off until I wish we were finished with them. I wish you would share your thoughts more often. I always like when you do. You can even say you didn't like the chapter and why.

As for high ideals, I like to have them. It makes me want to try to reach them, knowing of course that I never will and that I'll fail over and over. I hope for progress not perfection.

Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur said...

Thanks for responding :)

I admire your attitude! I just get discouraged. I always enjoy your comments at Bible Study as well! I don't think we could ever find a book we all could love. LOL I know I don't really fit the mold of conservative Catholic wife and mother too well. It's funny - I spent most of my life being the most conservative Catholic person I knew, and then I started hanging out with all the homeschoolers and all of a sudden, I was the most liberal! I really do appreciate having all of you as friends, though! You are all great to be around! See you tomorrow!

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