God's promise

I had such a rough day with David. My little Eeyore with the dark cloud hanging over his head was stressed from the time he woke up this morning at the very early hour of 5:40 a.m. He climbed into bed next to me and began his litany of complaints. Isaac was still sleeping so David and I had some quiet time before school. I eventually had him calmed down and off to school.

After school, however, his mood hadn't improved. If anything, the stress of school had made it worse. He just walked in the door, laid himself down on the floor and wailed. The rest of the day it was off and on. He'd be Ok for a little while and then something else would trigger a breakdown. By the time I had him tucked in bed tonight, I was exhausted and frustrated and at the end of my patience. I couldn't help but wonder where I had gone wrong as a parent to have David see the world as such a threat to his existance. And yet, at the same time, I know that he was born this way. Even as a tiny baby, his stress level was high.

While I was sitting outside the boys' room tonight waiting for them to go to sleep, I began reading "No Small Miracles" by Norris Burkes, a pediatric chaplain. I came across a passage that spoke directly to my tired heart:

"The mother's love reminded me of the miraculous way in which God whispers his love into the hand of each of us when we are born, placing there a promise that, no matter what, he will never let us go. And having pledged that love to us from our first breath to our last, he wraps our fingers around that promise for safekeeping."

Yes, God loves my David just as he is, and so do I. My spiritual director always tells me to trust that God has a plan for my children. I know that is true. My part in that plan is to get up every day and love my children to the best of my ability, and to trust that God is holding on to me as well.