The Catholic Working Mom's Guide to Life

Are you a Catholic working mom? Do you struggle to fit in with groups of Catholic moms, most of whom are staying at home? Do you have a hard time hanging out with secular groups of working moms who may not share your values? JoAnna Wahlund wants you to know that you are not alone.

Wahlund is a married working Catholic mom of six children. In 2014 she started the Catholic Working Mothers Facebook group which has since grown to 5000 members. In The Catholic Working Mom’s Guide to Life, she offers solid advice on how to manage your faith, your family, and your work.

She begins by offering role models of biblical figures and saints who were working mothers. These women include such notables as the Proverbs 31 woman, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, St. Zelie Martin, and St. Gianna Molla. Wahlund also emphasizes the importance of discerning what is right for you and your family. She offers practical advice on finding childcare, negotiating for flexibility at work, managing a household, and caring for yourself while caring for everyone else.

The Catholic Working Mom’s Guide to Life is so needed in our world. Whether you work out of necessity or because you feel called by God to have “a secondary vocation in addition to [your] vocation as a wife and mother,” you will find support and understanding in these pages. This book would also make a lovely gift for a pregnant woman who plans to return to work after giving birth.

P.S. I don’t know JoAnna Wahlund at all. Our paths have never crossed even in Catholic writing circles and reading this book was the first time I heard of her Facebook group. Anyway, I was sitting reading my review copy of this book, feeling pretty bad about myself (as I am prone to doing) because I’ve always struggled with the whole motherhood/work scenario. I got to page 75 and was surprised to find my own name! In fact, I did a double-take. 

Wahlund quoted from an article I wrote years ago for CatholicMom.com on how housework is an opportunity to encounter God! Now, those who know me in real life will be laughing at the irony of that given my lack of aptitude in that area. If you go back and read the article, you’ll see that I was honest back then. Unfortunately, my relationship with housework has not improved in the intervening years. I guess God was trying to give me a reminder that housework is an act of love, in addition to giving me a bit of hope that maybe my writing has mattered to someone over the years.

How to Make Your Life "A Beautiful Dream"

When I picked up One Beautiful Dream: The Rollicking Tale of Family Chaos, Personal Passions, and Saying Yes to Them Both, I knew very little about Jennifer Fulwiler other than she is a well-known Catholic writer and radio personality. In fact, I was fully prepared to hate this book, expecting something along the lines of, “Look at how wonderful my life is. I have it all and you could, too, if only you were [fill in your favorite adjective] enough.”

I was wrong. Fulwiler comes across as incredibly human with the wonderful ability to laugh at herself. She describes herself as a career atheist who never wanted a family, yet ended up having six babies in eight years “and learned how to follow my dreams in the process.”

She opens the book with a supermarket disaster that only moms who have tried to navigate grocery shopping with two toddlers can fully understand. Throughout the book she shares her honest challenges of having a large family of small children, including many laugh-out-loud moments. She also shares her medical issues, her struggles with natural family planning, and her desire to pursue her “blue flame,” her personal passion of writing. 

While this is primary a memoir of a challenging few years in Fulwiler’s life, she has much wisdom to offer mothers, especially those struggling to balance family and work, in whatever form that work might take. Her story is individual and remarkable, yet universal in that every woman must attempt to figure out what “having it all” means for her. We all must try to fulfill the vocational missions that God has given us. 

As Fulwiler states, she came to realize it was “a beautiful dream I was living – not in spite of all the unexpected twists and turns, but because of them.” The same can be said of all of us. Fulwiler has outdone herself with One Beautiful Dream. This memoir, both funny and touching, is well-worth spending some of your precious time with.

Stay-At-Home Motherhood as a Feminist Act

I recently picked up the Sept.-Oct. 2014 issue of Home Education Magazine. In it, Kate Fridkis writes about giving up her full-time career to take on part-time work and be a stay-at-home mom to her young daughter. She struggled with the type of role-model she would be to her daughter and how this decision related to her being a feminist.

Being available to your child is a big, radical deal, especially in a time when people dismiss its importance. It requires huge bravery and enormous dedication and oceans of patience and a galloping sense of humor . . . it's up to me, in the end, as it's always up to each of us to take charge of the conversation and educate my career-oriented friends about my choices and what they really look like. . . .Instead of saying, 'I have to keep up my career, if only for my daughter's sake,' I'm experimenting with saying, 'I have to be proud of my choices, if only for my daughter's sake.' Because that is how you model feminism. That is how it works.

When I was young, I dreamed of having a little girl. I wanted someone to like the same stories I had enjoyed growing up and to share my love of dolls. These were silly reasons, of course, but I simply couldn't imagine life with sons. What would I possibly do with them? What would we have in common?

Then, of course, God gave me two sons, and I loved them with all of my heart, and they've broadened my horizons as I have broadened theirs. And as time went on, I was thankful that I had boys and not a girl because I could encourage them to be whatever they wanted. They would never have to struggle, as I did, with the pain of giving up a career for motherhood.

I have always tried to stay out of the mommy wars. I firmly believe every mother does the best she can and that God calls us to different lives, that these paths are revealed through prayer and our individual circumstances. God called me to be a stay-at-home mom, and then a homeschooling mom, and I try every day to be the best mom I can be. Mind you, some days are definitely better than others.

Thanks to the internet, I've had the opportunity to work part-time for which I am incredibly thankful. Yet, there are still days, especially ones in which no paid work is to be found, that being a stay at home mom hurts. Even though I can't imagine turning over the primary care of my children to someone else and am extremely thankful that I am able to be with them, it is hard to sacrifice my dreams, intellect, and gifts for my children. It is a sacrifice God has asked me to make. Fourteen years into the process, I'm still working on gracefully making that sacrifice, on using my gifts the way He sees fit, in the opportunities that He gives me. No doubt many mothers who work outside the home struggle with sacrificing spending time with their children. No matter what anyone might say, mothers cannot have it all. In the years in which we are raising our children, something always has to give.

And then, a little over four years ago, God gave me a little girl, and I wondered how I would ever be a good mother to her. How could I be a good role model?  What would she learn from me about how to be a woman? Could I encourage her to pursue her dreams, knowing in the end, if God calls her to motherhood, she might have to give them up?

I truly struggled with this, but then, in time, I realized that deep down, I wanted the same thing for my little girl that I wanted for my sons - I want them all to be the people God made them to be. I pray for that every day. I don't know what the future holds for any of them, but I can encourage all of them to pray and discern and explore. I can do the best I can with this day to give them the best lives I can provide. I can trust that God has a plan for them and that His plan is infinitely better than my plan. I can trust that if they live the lives God calls them to, they will be successful in the only eyes that truly matter.

Short Story Review: Working Mother

Working Mother

by Erin Cupp
Full Quiver Publishing, 2014

The years of Jesus' childhood are unknown to us which make them fertile grounds for the imagination. What happened in those years when Jesus was young and living with Joseph and Mary, growing in faith and knowledge? In Working Mother, Erin Cupp imagines a scenario in Egypt in which Joseph cannot work due to an injury and Mary is forced to leave her family for a time in order to work as a wet nurse and earn them enough money to live. It is a powerful short story about a mother's love, the complexity of relationships, and a woman doing what needs to be done for her family, even at great personal cost.

Book Review - Hope for the Workplace

Hope for the Workplace: Christ in You
by Bill Dalgetty
Vienna, Virginia: Zacchaeus Publications, 2013

Do you bring Christ to your workplace? If you work for a faith-based organization, the answer to that question may be an easy “yes.” However, the vast majority of Catholics and Christians work in secular institutions. What happens then? Should Christians leave their faith behind when they enter the office door.

In Hope for the Workplace: Christ in You, Bill Dalgetty emphasizes the importance of integrating one’s faith with one’s work. As Louis Grams, co-founder of Christians in Commerce, writes in the foreward, “In a pluralistic culture, there are often necessary (and some not so necessary) restraints on what we can say in public . . . but there should be no restraint on living lives of justice, honesty, mercy, forgiveness, or love – in other words, living as Christ."

God values our work. Through our efforts, we help in the ongoing process of creation. Jesus was a man of work, a carpenter for most of his adult life. Of the fifty-two parables recorded in Scripture, forty-five are set in a workplace. “Our purpose is not just to lead a godly life so we can go to heaven when we die. As the Parable of the Talents suggests, God also wants our lives and actions to yield and increase for his kingdom on earth here and now.” 

The type of work that Dalgetty speaks of is not always for pay. Stay-at-home mothers will be pleased that he includes their often unseen work in his discussions. But for those who work outside the home, there is much practical advice on how to bring faith into the workplace. 

Prayer is the centerpiece of all those efforts – prayer in order to communicate and grow closer with God and also prayer for one’s coworkers and superiors. 

Dalgetty shares the stories of several workers in order to illustrate how it is possible and desirable to make one’s faith an integral part of one’s work life. Many do so simply by the example that they offer. Others have had to make difficult choices, resulting in some seemingly negative professional consequences, but all of these individuals were still happy they stood up for what was right. God “desires to be present in our workplaces just as much as he desires to be present in our families and churches through us.” 

Hope for the Workplace is a much-needed book. The business world needs people of faith to provide a good example of how to live and conduct business in an ethical, responsible manner. All royalties from the sale of this book will be donated to Christians in Commerce. 

 

Movie Review: I Don't Know How She Does It!

I recently had the opportunity to watch I Don't Know How She Does It, a movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker as a working mother trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air at one time. I really enjoyed this movie - it was very funny, and with the exception of  a couple lines of sexual innuendo, very clean. It also had some important things to say about motherhood and had a pro-life component.

Parker's character has a very high-profile job in finance that requires her to travel, often at short notice. Her children are well-cared-for by their nanny and she has an involved husband, but she still feels the pain of missing out on key moments. In addition, her five-year old daughter resents her absence a great deal. Try as she might, work-life balance isn't working at all.

There are many parts in this movie that all mothers can relate to. Whether you work outside the home or not, there are always schedules to juggle and too much to do. Parker has lists everywhere, especially in her mind - they keep her awake at night as she tries to figure out how she will do it all, while her husband, of course, sleeps peacefully. Men just don't seem to suffer from these issues, do they? In the end, the stress of the job and her family is tearing her apart, and she issues an ultimatum to her boss.

As for the pro-life component, her assistant finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and plans to have an abortion. Parker talks her out of it, and offers her help and advice on how to be a working mom.

The only negative I found in this movie was that the stay-at-home moms were portrayed in a very stereotypical manner. They were the "mean moms" who excelled at all things mother-related, passed judgment on the working mom, and spent their days doing nothing. Although, truly, the portrayal was so stereotypical, I really do think that it was meant to be funny, and it was.

If you are looking for some fun movie viewing, "I Don't Know How She Does It" should be added to your list.

Accepting Your Child's Career Choices

I'm trying to keep an open mind about my children's career choices. I know that God has given them a certain tool set of gifts and I pray with them every day that they grow up to be the people that God wants them to be, that they have the career and vocation that they should.

I recently came across this helpful article in St. Anthony Messenger: When I Grow Up on helping your teens make good career choices and supporting them in those choices.

Catholic parents should recognize that every legitimate job is a divine calling. Each person in whatever job he or she may choose can be part of God's work for accomplishing the world's daily tasks. In making career decisions, teens need help, not control, from their parents. 

. . . The college major or job chosen may not meet with your approval. It may even throw a monkey wrench into all the plans you had for your child. But remember, God works in his own way to call people into many different fields of work. "Plans fail when there is no counsel, but they succeed when counselors are many" (Prv 15:22). 

If you keep open the lines of communication, then living with your child's decisions will become easier for both of you. And, in the final analysis, God's plan for your teenager's life will ultimately unveil itself.

Please read the full article here: When I Grow Up

The Dignity of Work

I love this article by Cheryl Dickow which is up today on Catholic Lane: The Dignity of Work . I know that I find great value in my work. Whether we work inside or outside the home or some combination thereof, our work has tremendous value for both us and the world.

Dickow quotes Pope John Paul II's encyclical Laborem Exercens:

“From the beginning therefore he [man] is called to work. Work is one of the characteristics that distinguish man from the rest of creatures, whose activity for sustaining their lives cannot be called work. Only man is capable of work, and only man works, at the same time by work occupying his existence on earth. Thus work bears a particular mark of man and of humanity, the mark of a person operating within a community of persons. And this mark decides its interior characteristics; in a sense it constitutes its very nature.”

She goes on to write: "Nothing offers a fuller sense of satisfaction than a task well-performed. It doesn’t matter if that task is washing the kitchen floor, finding the best bargains at the grocery store, or guiding a classroom of middle school students towards a lesson’s objective. Inherent in who we are as humans, as Blessed John Paul points out, is the need for a person to contribute to his or her family or neighborhood or culture in a discernable way. This is what separates us from the animals but also is what gives us dignity."

Quote for the Day

Today (July 31st) is the feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola. In their "Quiet Moments" supplement, Catholic Digest shared the following quote, which you have probably heard before, but it is worth repeating and posting somewhere you can see it and be reminded of it every day!

Pray as if everything depended on God. Work as if everything depended on you. - St. Ignatius

Do You Struggle with the 24 Hour Day?

I don't know about you, but I know I've wished for two of me more times than I can number. I want one of me to be the great mom and take care of the house and do everything I want to in order to take care of and educate my children, and another one to work and do all the things that I (as my own individual person) want to do with my life. I pray each day to do what God wants with that day, and I do manage to squeeze a lot out of each one, but I almost always wish that I had more time for me, and I am always exhausted. Needless to say, I struggle with acceptance.

Patti Maguire Armstrong (mom of 10!) has written a very insightful article: Making Peace with the 24 Hour Day, which offers some suggestions for getting more out of your day as well as accepting what you do manage to accomplish.

The Value of Work Offered to God

I've been reading A Heart on Fire: Rediscovering Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus (review to come soon). I came across this quote on work which was worth sharing:


We offer Jesus all the work we will do this day. It may not seem very important. . . it may feel like a waste of time, like it is not doing anything to advance the work of salvation or God's kingdom. The task itself is not important, as long as it is not sinful. What is important is that every task, no matter how seemingly meaningless or unimportant, becomes an act of love for God. Blessed Teresa of Calcutta like to say that what mattered was not doing great things for God but rather doing everything, especially little things, as an act of love for God. We don't want to lose any opportunity to show God our love, and we can do this by offering up our works as acts of love for him.

Getting Priorities Straight

I really enjoy Susan Hines-Brigger's columns in St. Anthony's Messenger. While the current issue's articles aren't on-line yet, I wanted to share with you this excerpt from her current offering, which she wrote on vacation with her family. It offers some important food for thought. We are each given a certain amount of time each day. Do we spend it on what matters?

I, too, am guilty of losing perspective of what is truly important. If not, would I be sitting holed up in a bedroom on my vacation?

Unfortunately, all too often, the mucky stuff of life seems to get in the way, and we become very narrow in our view of what's important. Suddenly, things like deadlines, a beautifully decorated home, prestige, titles, errands, and other day-to-day things start to take over. . . And before we know it, we lose all sight of the forest for the trees. . . Don't get me wrong, all those things have a time and place. It's just important to know when and where.

Thought for the Day

I have been reading Courage in Chaos: Wisdom from Francis de Sales (Classic Wisdom Collections) and came across this quote to share:

In all your affairs rely on God's Providence, through which alone your plans can succeed. Meanwhile, on your part, work on in quiet cooperation with God, and then rest satisfied that if you have entrusted your work entirely to God, you will always obtain that measure of success which is best for you, whether it seems so or not in your own judgment.

Looking for a Catholic Job?

Sacred Heart Media is pleased to announce the relaunch of CatholicJobs.com. For over eight years, CatholicJobs.com has been the leading publisher of job listings focused on Catholic schools, churches, hospitals, ministries, and other religious or pro-life organizations. With over 250,000 pageviews a month, employers often receive dozens of serious inquiries from prospects, while job seekers have hundreds of openings to consider.

Since 2003, CatholicJobs.com has relied on word-of-mouth and search engine referrals to grow. The relaunch begins an aggressive new marketing campaign with the goal of doubling its user base by the end of the year. Soon, Catholics across the nation will learn of CatholicJobs.com from Catholic newspapers, magazines, radio, websites, church bulletins, and job placement services.

The relaunch also brings a host of new features to the website, including a re-imagined user interface and integration with LinkedIn, the world’s largest online network of professionals.

“There’s no reason why Catholic organizations should have to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on recruiting someone, “ said Sacred Heart Media president and lead developer, Tim Harrison. “Faithful Catholics are eager to work for the Church. It’s simply a matter of connecting them.”

Eric Dill, the Director of Human Resources for the Diocese of Metuchen, New Jersey, had this to say: “For nearly five years, we’ve relied on CatholicJobs.com as an important part of our recruiting strategy. The site is extremely easy to use, is cost effective and has enabled us to successfully source qualified candidates who meet our unique job requirements. CatholicJobs.com is a terrific alternative to advertising in the secular press and other job-posting sites such as Monster. I recommend them with enthusiasm.”

Visit CatholicJobs.com

My New Position with Catholic Lane

This week, I finished up working for Catholic Exchange, and am pleased to announce that I am now a Senior Editor with Catholic Lane.

I hope that you will visit Catholic Lane and like us on Facebook. I'm very excited about this new chapter in my career!

Prayer for Employment

This came to me via a prayer card sent out by the Marian Helpers

God, our Father,
I turn to you seeking your divine help
and guidance as I look for suitable employment.
I need Your wisdom to guide my footsteps
along the right path, and to lead me to find
the proper things to say and do in this quest.
I wish to use the gifts and talents
You have given me, but I need the opportunity
to do so with gainful employment.
Do not abandon me, dear Father,
in this search, but rather grant me this favor
I seek so that I may return to You with praise
and thanksgiving for your gracious assistance.
Grant this through Christ, our Lord.
Amen

Finding God in the Housework

I do not enjoy housework. Not even a little bit. Just yesterday I was telling the young lady who lives next door to me that I wished I had a magic wand that I could simply wave and have a clean house! Alas, that is not the case and I do have to put things away and do the dishes and the laundry and clean the bathrooms and mop the floor and the list goes on and on in a seemingly never-ending cycle. This, despite the fact that my standards for cleanliness are not all that high. It’s really been bugging me lately. There are so many other things that I would much rather be doing with that time.

In the midst of my aggravation, what message did God send me regarding this? An email reminding me that housework is an opportunity to encounter God.
And, so it is. Every moment of our lives, if offered to God and done to serve Him, is holy. That includes the time spent with the laundry or scrubbing the floor.

First of all, we do these things because they are part of our vocation and one of our primary duties on this earth is to serve God by living our vocation to the best of our abilities. Secondly, we do our housework to serve those we love – so that they may have clean dishes and clean clothes and a healthy environment to live in. It may not seem that way as we are struggling to get it done, but doing the housework is actually an act of love.

The time spent on household chores can also offer a time to pray. These menial tasks usually do not require a great deal of brain power to accomplish. There are two ways to make them more meaningful. The first is to truly pay attention to them. Get off the auto-pilot and actually focus on the task at hand. Instead of simply rushing to get through them, live in the moment. Be thankful for the people you are doing these tasks for. Appreciate the fact that you have the physical ability to complete these chores.

Second, the time can be used to say the Rosary or some other memorized prayer or to simply talk to God. I would be willing to venture that when you are performing your household tasks your mind is usually elsewhere anyway – perhaps replaying conversations, turning over worries, or making future plans. Why not turn one’s mind toward God? Prayer and work can go hand in hand. While there are certainly times when we need to focus on one or the other more exclusively, manual labor and mental prayer are able to co-exist quite nicely.

I needed the gentle reminder that God gave me that my housework has value that goes beyond the short-term results. The dishes I washed today will once again be dirty tomorrow. The dog will shed again and somebody will definitely spill something on the floor that I mopped. The clean clothes will on again be dirty. But, if I do these tasks with a loving, prayerful heart rather than a grudging, complaining one, they will acquire a much deeper purpose. Perhaps, someday, I will even come to look forward to them!

A Biblical Quote on Work

Each week, I put up a Bible quote in our kitchen for us all to reflect on. This is the quote for this week:

"In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work like you are working for the Lord, not for people." Colossians 3:23

That's a good reminder to always put good effort into our work, even if it seems unimportant or uninspiring. Do all we do for the glory of God. That automatically infuses it with meaning and purpose.

There is More than One Way to be a Good Mom

The word vocation means a “call.” In Catholic circles, it refers to a call from God. Many women receive a call from God to motherhood. It is a noble call, a challenging call, a call that will frequently bring a woman to her personal limits and to her knees in prayer. Yet, it has immense rewards. Those of us who have been called to this life should be both thankful for and humbled by it.

Given that it is such a hard job, motherhood should be supported by all of us, in all its forms. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. While the outside world may be very supportive of working mothers, in Catholic circles, it is often seen as a “lesser” choice.

If a mother “needs” to work, then it is acceptable, but even then I’ve heard other mothers say that they feel sorry for these mothers. The woman who chooses to work? She is frequently portrayed as selfish and not putting her family first. It is as if there is one version of motherhood that is held up as the ideal – the stay-at-home totally dedicated mother (if you managed to nurse exclusively for at least a year, homeschool your children, and have four or more children, you get extra points) – and all the others fall a little short.

As a homeschooling stay-at-home mother, I am begging people to reconsider that position. I believe that I have been called to my current way of life for this season of my life. It certainly wasn’t in the life plan that I had for myself. Rather, God led me here. I am very fortunate to be able to work part-time from home. My situation was different in my past, and it may be different in my future. I hope to always do what God wants from me.

Is it then possible to believe that others are called to different forms of motherhood? I would argue that it is. Learning about St. Gianna Beretta Molla (1922-1962) expanded my own understanding of the vocation of motherhood. She is a patron saint of working mothers. She was an accomplished physician who loved her work. She truly felt called by God to be a doctor. She continued to maintain her own practice while having three small children.

St. Gianna would ultimately give up her own life so that her 4th child might live. That child followed in her mother’s footsteps and became a doctor herself. On the subject of vocation, St. Gianna wrote “What is a vocation? It is a gift from God, so it comes from God. If it is a gift from God, our concern must be to know God’s will. We must enter that path: If God wants, when God wants, how God wants.” God called St. Gianna to be both doctor and mother. She served God completely in both roles.

On a related note, Pope Benedict XVI recently stated that “it is necessary to concretely support motherhood, including guaranteeing professional women the possibility of balancing family and work. Too often, in fact, women are put in the position of having to choose between the two.” He encouraged governments to support maternity rights, including child-care centers.

God calls mothers to different forms of motherhood. Women should always pray to do God’s will in their lives. At the same time, all mothers should be supported and encouraged in their vocation, whether that vocation involves being a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, working full-time outside the home or any of the variations in-between. There is no one right way to be a mother. The only right way is what God is calling a mother to do at a given moment of her life.

Finding Jesus in Our Work

Here is a great post on CatholicMom on Finding Jesus in Our Work. It is written by Tami Kiser, author of Smart Martha's Catholic Guide for Busy Moms. The description of the book sounds great:

Motherhood is so demanding, it s easy to become a Martha always worried about the next thing we have to do and rarely choosing the better part, as Martha's sister Mary did.

Tami Kiser understands. She's a busy mom of nine who juggles teaching at her children's parish school, volunteering at her parish, running a household, and many other responsibilities. Her Smart Martha seminars have helped thousands of women learn to set their priorities so that they still have ample time for Jesus throughout the day.

This is the book that can help any frazzled Martha become more spiritually focused, more holistically fulfilled, and more mentally prepared than ever before. Discover practical tips that will help save time and your sanity. Learn how to:


--Approach every Martha task with a Mary attitude.

--De-clutter your children's toys for faster cleanup and more meaningful play.

--Manage technology to enhance your family's spiritual health.

--Create mealtimes that nourish both body and soul.

--Tackle household chores as a family.

--Foster spiritual beauty in your children. And much more!


Your maternal instinct as well as constant demands from family members may call for a Martha mom, but trust in the Lord that they need a Mary mom, too. Be a Smart Martha, with one eye on the task at hand and the other on the Lord.